my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
