Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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