porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
