Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
