So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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