he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish you could order shots online.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
