More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
