we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
