first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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