you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
