We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
