Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
well you can't waste a boner
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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