I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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