Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
