So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
