Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
