ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
