I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
