Your dad touched me again.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
