I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
