I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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