Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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