How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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