He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
