My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
