I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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