The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
