don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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