God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just pee around me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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