the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
