How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
