Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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