Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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