our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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