Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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