I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
