New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She needs sedatives and a leash
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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