Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
