I need to stop coming to work sober
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
