They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
