I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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