I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My vagina just recognized that song.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
