he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
