she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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