Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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