She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
