Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
