i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
