I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
