I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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