I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
