I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Jerry, you need to find god
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
